It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's the barista slut.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
