i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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