Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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