You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
