I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
