A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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