so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
