She tied me up with her honor cords...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
