Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
