Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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