I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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