you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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