i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
