Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize