Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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