Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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