the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
