you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
