I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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