You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
