He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
