his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
