I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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