Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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