Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
