I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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