Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
