I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
