the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
