I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
