Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
