I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
