you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
