Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
