I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
