The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
