those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
