wakey wakey hands off snakey
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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