Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
