I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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