my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sobbing to NWA
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
