so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?