I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.