i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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