Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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