before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
