U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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