Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
