This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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