she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
