the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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