Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
