I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
