I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
