Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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