True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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