a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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