I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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