The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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