I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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