Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
birth control should be required to get into college
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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